I know you're confused and you don't really understand why nobody will tell you what's going on. But hey, it's better if you don't know what's happening right now. You will be told the truth eventually, not all of it, but most of it. In a couple years it's gonna hurt a lot, I wish I could say it'll all get better. It gets better, but it gets pretty bad sometimes too. You're gonna go through hell and back throughout the mid middle school and the middle of highschool. I really wish you knew what you know now so things don't happen the way they're going to go. I wish you weren't so hard on yourself and that you could be different than you are now. I wish you didn't trust him or her, you would be so different now. I really would love for you to have known that I love who you are and I wish I was more like you. When you change schools, you shouldn't of changed like you did. No matter what you'll still be okay, you're okay now. In that one January I wish I was there with you to tell you it was okay.. I wish I was there when you started coping the wrong way, I feel horrible that you felt like that. It's too late now, but you're okay and that is all that matters. I really miss being you and I needed you to know that mom loved you so so much. I wish you responded more before she passes, but don't feel guilty you couldn't have known. I'm so sorry, but you're gonna make it, Lee Lee. Everything is okay and will always get better, no matter what.
With Love, Your 16 year old self
Dear Future Caralee,
I really hope that you're building that life that you have always wanted for yourself for so so long. I just know that no matter what happens right now where I am that you're gonna be happy and safe. I'm really working hard right now so you can live the life you're living right now. I hope wherever you end up that you are happy, because that is what matters the most. By now you should be living in a house, with a job and maybe married? I hope you either have a bun in the oven (lmao) or you already have a beautiful family. Pretty soon, you're gonna be that soccer mom you have always wanted to be. I really hope that you are away from all the toxicity that I have going on now, because by now you should have all of that out of your life. I am really struggling right now, but that only means there is going to be a beautiful future full of freedom, real happiness and being fully secure. I am so excited to be you and finally feel alive again. Anyways, I am really wishing and hoping the best for you and your new life. My dreams now are filled with thinking about how lucidly living I will be and how successful my future is. You deserve nothing but the best. I hope the jb you have now makes you happy and you are helping kids who need the help. I hope it's not too much stress and you're probably doing amazing.