Three weeks
Fix this Fix that Fix everything Fix yourself Fix yourself Fix yourself -- Your next appointment is in three weeks, see you then -- Talking Too much Therapy is going to help No it won’t I can’t be honest The words will not come out No matter how hard I try They remain unsaid inside my thoughts my mind my brain my heart Talking Too much These feelings won’t be released These feelings will stay suppressed This therapist, amazing I trust her but they stay inside Tonight I sigh My emotions stay undiscoverable Why can I not speak? How? Nothing is wrong, I had a long day ~ A hug ~ Get better Too much
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“I don't really want no life,
I don't even really wanna die…” -Ghostemane As I wake up, I open my eyes to another day being here, I clear my throat and rub my eyes--- the cold water splashes against my face, I stand completely still--- stuck and frozen, in this moment of realization. The repetition of this feeling is dragging my mind away from my body. I am not living through this, I am existing, in a slow motion film. I try my hardest to feel, I talk and engage in conversation, I intertwine my fingers with yours, you hold me with my head against your chest, I try to live when I am with you. Trying my hardest to raise my expectations for myself to please you and to make you happy, I get so exhausted with everything that is tearing my body out of my own skin-- as you place a kiss on my forehead, your eyes look into mine, I see your soul and I remember, what it is like to be truly alive, your eyes bring me to life, I can see with you. |
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December 2019
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